Cultivate a daily gratitude practice for a meaningful life

Research is pretty clear in that the practice of gratitude is a tool that *needs* to be in your toolbox if you want to live a more meaningful and joyous life.
Taking a moment each day (let’s say 5 mins), can be the difference between a life that feels hard and a life that feels happier.
As a wellness coach, I encourage my clients to keep a journal at the start of our coaching relationship, as writing down what you are feeling and experiencing in the day can help ease stress and overwhelm.
Let me ask you this – have you ever known someone not to benefit from a period of journalling and reflection?

As I write this, I think about some of the greatest writers in history, such as Henry David Thoreau, who spent a period of time in the wilderness with nothing but a journal for company and the wind in the trees. He ended up writing some pretty epic words and has influenced the hearts and minds of people worldwide for over a century now.

You might be struggling with a decision to make, or maybe you are living with a chronic illness. Perhaps you are feeling bored in your current life?
Journalling could help you to make sense of your life, your thoughts, feelings and emotions that encompass your current experience.

Here’s how to get started:

get your gratitude journal here

Dedicate the same time frame each day for writing. I suggest 5mins-10mins at first. Set a timer and start writing about your day. Who did you see? What did you do? What frustrated you? What made you sad?

Make a promise to yourself to stick to this every day for seven days. After that time, you will know if this kind of self-care is right for you. You might even learn a few things about yourself along the way that you want to journal about. (For example – you might want to write poetry or songs. You might want to write a letter of apology to someone. Or you might want to write a forgiveness letter to yourself?)

Each day, as you write, you might get stuck on what to fill your time limit with. So if you still have time left over after covering the basics, maybe you could write down a goal you had when you were young. What did you hope to do one day? Who did you hope to become?

Still stuck? Try writing a message to your 18yr old younger self. What advice about life would you give them? (This will be illuminating, so take your time with this one!)

Take a step into the unknown:

I have created a beautiful Gratitude journal with some goal-setting and prompts that will help you set the tone for your journalling journey. If you’ve never journalling before, this is a perfect place to start. I have even included some mandalas to colour which can help ease writer’s block and get your creative juices flowing.
Many women fall into the trap of being scared of going deep, because you’re afraid of what you will find. I can assure you that all there is to discover within you is beautiful, magickal, extraordinary and valuable. I have never known a woman to regret working into the shadows, or stepping into her power.

And you can do this too!

Wise women know how to become their own coach and go after what they want. They also know when they need a little guidance along the way.

This journal preps your mind and your spirit for the journey of going bravely forth in the direction of your soul by offering daily reminders to notice what brings you joy.

By finding gratitude in daily life, you begin to re-program your mind to search for more things to be grateful for. And then the laws of the universe conspire to bring you more – more than you ever thought possible.

But before you embark on this journey be sure to get clear on what you are wanting. What goals do you have for yourself?
Create 3 s.m.a.r.t goals and then embark on your sixty day AM and PM gratitude journey. Then at the end of your sixty days take some time to reflect on how far you have come.

This journal makes a thoughtful gift for the person in your life who deserves the best! (and that also means you too!)

Purchase this beautiful journal here:

References:

  1. https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier
  2. https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-health-benefits-of-journaling

When you can’t talk about it

Many women are afraid to speak out about their ex-partner’s verbal or emotional abuse for fear of what they will do. Many times if they catch wind of you talking about their behaviour, they will up their abuse with vicious text rants, email abuse or social media abuse and torments.
It works though – quite often the woman will retreat and hide and suffer alone and in silence.

The whole goal of a person with high narcissism traits is to have control – at all costs. And this includes control of how you think about them, and how you speak about them. If they can silence you, then that is the ultimate control.
When you call them out on their behaviour, it will be vastly different to their own perception. So you may experience verbal reprimands, yelling, gaslighting and re-writing of history.

Signs of verbal abuse

this is taken from mensline.org:

  • Yelling: it’s normal for people in relationships to raise their voice or yell every now and then, but ongoing and repeated yelling is cause for concern
  • Swearing and name calling: belittling your partner by calling them names, swearing at them, or putting them down
  • Demanding or ordering: telling your partner they have to do something and they don’t have a choice
  • Threatening or blackmail: telling your partner there will be consequences if they don’t do what you say – e.g. “If you go out with your friends tonight, don’t bother coming back”
  • “Gaslighting”:  whereby a person is manipulated into questioning their own sanity or perceptions
  • Manipulating: saying things to get someone to do what you want, often through guilt, such as “I did this for you” or “if you loved me you’d do this for me”
  • Patronising your partner: for example saying “You won’t understand, so I’ll explain this again”
  • Blame: always saying it was the person’s fault for “causing” the argument and making you be abusive
  • Passing abuse off as a joke: shaming, insulting, swearing or belittling your partner and then saying “I was only joking” or “You’re too sensitive”
  • Insulting people, or things, that your partner likes, or their religious beliefs
  • Refusing to talk to your partner and blaming them for your silence.

Long term effects of verbal abuse on victims can include low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-harm, and anxiety. Victims may also find it difficult to make decisions and doubt their own ability to communicate.

The end result of verbal and emotional abuse is the disempowerment of the person who is being abused. They will usually retreat, withdraw and give in, because what else can they do? Arguing will end up in them being called the aggressor. Getting angry and defensive will end up in them being told their “too sensitive” or “too aggressive”. Crying will end up in them being told they are “pathetic”. Going to the police will end up in them being told “the police are laughing at you!”

The answer to the madness is to learn how to release your emotional triggers that are always being pushed by the abuser.

Your emotional triggers are sitting right under the surface and are very raw. They have been pushed over and over again, over time, and are very reactive. You will also have trapped many emotions due to your wounded inner child, and also the part of you that believes this is all your fault and you brought it on yourself.
Victim-blaming is very common, which turns into self-loathing and self-hatred. If you are feeling this way, please know that this is just the wounds talking and is NOT TRUE.


You DID NOT cause this, but you CAN STOP THIS cycle from continuing.

What is true about you is that you have some areas to heal relating to resiliency, self-esteem, self love and confidence.
You have some areas to heal around setting boundaries and becoming independent (instead of co-dependent).
You have some areas to heal around internal validation rather than external validation.

Learning to heal after narcissistic abuse is going to be the biggest gift you can give yourself. It will release you from the pattern of putting others before yourself, and for abandoning your own needs. It requires a lot of patience and self-care on your own part to break those limiting beliefs you hold, and to move into better behaviour patterns that support re-empowerment.

I offer 45min Discovery & Empowerment sessions that help people who are beginning to understand narcissistic abuse, to become self-aware and grounded.
This can help you NOT to react to the abuser in your life, and to assert your own needs from a place of clarity.

I will help you come up with a plan to move forward – meeting your own needs and taking your power back.

Pain can be your best friend

….however it may not feel like a good friend at first. In this blog I share my own healing journey from how I became an Emotion Code healer to now – facing my own healing crisis again with a hand injury.

And so the time has come for the healer to heal herself….well, to be honest, she has been doing that for a while now. It is a never ending process that as an awakening woman I have long been familiar with.

I noticed pain in my base of thumb for a few years now, but it started to get worse during the last semester of uni. I was writing more notes, and massaging more clients than I have in a while and it really took its toll on my hand.

The simple solution is: stop doing massage and stop writing notes.
Okay.
So how do I put food on the table and provide for my kids and how do I study? Simply put I dont want my life to change in any way shape or form because the uncertainty is scary and so I pretend I dont notice the pain on a deeper level, and just manage the symptoms.
I press on with ice packs and essential oils and hand splints, and push thru the pain, and massage in different ways, hoping it will just go back to normal.
But you and I both know this isnt a long term, wellbeing solution. And I am afraid of the outcome if I dont do anything about it, but not afraid enough to change anything.

What helps people feel better in the long term?
Change of lifestyle, change of habits, change of thought patterns, and change of energy field.

I share this with you, because even for me – a woman who KNOWS the mind body connection, and KNOWS the language of her body, I STILL RESIST the messages at times – particularly the messages that address some core wounding and fears.
And this is what many people are facing that I see in my clinic. this is the BIG stuff, the stuff that requires courage to face, and it can be terrifying.
Until the pain or discomfort gets bigger than the FEAR that stops you from facing it.

I became an energy healer back in 2014 after struggling with a really sore right shoulder for about six months. The pain got to the point where I couldn’t drive without pain, cos I couldn’t get my arm in a position that felt good.
I did yoga and lifted weights, was super fit, I never rested, I worked hard and was a newly single mum with 3 kids. To say I was “shouldering” a burden of responsibility was an understatement. I was worried about paying bills, worried would I ever meet the man of my dreams, worried I was failing as a mum and worried I was a massive failure in general.
I tried physio which didnt do anything – didn’t make it worse or better. And believe me, my physio is excellent at his craft. His treatments did nothing because it wasn’t a physical injury. It was energetic. I just didn’t know it at the time.

After a few months of physio treatment going nowhere I was starting to be concerned that my life as a massage therapist was going to come to an end, and I was terrified that I had no other skills. I mean, I am a bodyworker – what else could I do?
And then I stumbled across an energy healer who did Emotion Code. It was a non-touch therapy that worked on the emotional layers that were trapped or stuck in my energy field. WHOAH. what?
I honestly didn’t believe it at first. I thought it was a joke.
But after FIFTEEN MINUTES I could move my shoulder again without pain. I was floating, I felt amazing. And I couldn’t believe it.

However it was short lived. The pain came back 2 days later.
So I called this woman who I now declared a charlatan and she said “okay let’s do a full session, I’ll call you back at 2pm”
And after that session I have NEVER had shoulder pain again.
Fixed.
Completely.

And that’s when I decided to learn Emotion Code myself so I can take care of others in the same way.

Isn’t that incredible! I had opened the door to a new world thru the pain in my shoulder. I began to walk down a path I never knew existed because of the pain in my shoulder caused by the feelings of fear and worry and burden. I had taken those though patterns and walked thru a door into a new world and way of showing up in my practice.
I am forever grateful for that.

And now as the pain in my hand brings me to a slow down again, I am reminded not to be afraid, but to dive deeper into the healing space, releasing the trapped emotions (which will in turn release the fears around “grasping” my life with two hands even in the face of uncertainty) and being open to receiving the new blessings and new pathways that will come up as a result of having to slow down (or maybe even stop, not sure yet) massaging people.

This is the gift of energy healing. We don’t focus on the actual physical problem. We focus on the underlying causes that can only be accessed once the emotional layers are released – and then the story can be told.

Our physical body is simply a manifestation of the thoughts, words, judgements and beliefs we hold.
We feel pain and discomfort because these thoughts are not in alignment with our wise woman / wise man.
And it is this misalingment that is trapping the emotions which then cause “issues in the tissues”.

The process of releasing is simple. However the process of getting you to make and appointment, to show up and to have enough courage to face the deeper layers is what keeps people in resistance.
Simply take the first step, and I will guide and support you to do the rest.
Make a decision to get to the bottom of the pain and discomfort and watch your life come alive as you step closer into alignment with who you truly are.

Emotion Code appointments are part of my Health & Wellness consultations. Initial sessions are 2hrs, as I take a detailed history to ensure I have a complete picture of what is going on for you. In a session you will relax deeply – maybe even fall asleep at times – and you will learn a lot about yourself (or maybe just “remember”!)

Appointments can be made here, and can be in clinic or via Zoom: Bookings

Who cares what “they” think!

“It’s none of my business what other people think of me” ….said the healing empath.

Have you ever felt like you’re not being your true self because you’re afraid of what others might think?
There is so often this invisible brigade of haters that sit in the background of your life that get to comment on every little thing about you.
It could be in little ways every day that you are sitting under this weighted blanket of having to appease the masses.
And it is soul destroying because you never get to fully expand into your true self.
This manifests in many ways such as lacking in self esteem, wont put your hand up for a promotion, feeling left out a lot, not feeling satisfied in your life, lacking purpose of direction.

Or it could be that you wake up one morning and realise you are in the wrong job, relationship, planet ?

We get caught in this cycle of trying to make others happy that we forget how to make ourselves happy. This king of thinking creeps in and many of us dont even know it is happening. We stay quiet so we dont hear crticism.

We dont go for that new network marketing job cos we know our friends and family are going to scoff and say it is ridiculous – be you KNOW the thought of it lights you up!

We stay in this place of being the good girl long into adulthood, cos we still want our parents to be proud of us – and this comes at the expense of our true happiness.

So if you feel that you aren’t speaking your aligned truth or you aren’t even privately allowing yourself to think in alignment with your truth, it is time to ask who’s truth you’re in?

Society?
Community?
Family?


In order to live a full life you MUST come into alignment and truth of who you actually are. Without rejecting your quirks or loudness or quietness or “too much-ness” or “not enough-ness” .It is time to love allllllll the part of yourself that make you YOU. Anything less is cutting off parts of yourself.
So if you want to DREAM….do it
If you want to SCREAM…do it
Let the frustration out, the smallness, the shutting down, the rejecting self, the ignoring the rising excitement, the keeping the status quo, the biting your tongue, the “making do”, the settling…..let it all out.

And step into YOU

If you need help with this, and know you have blocks, but feel afraid, then lets do some healing work around this.
Book a Health and Wellness session with me and lets start getting YOU back.

Belle xx

Book Here

(online and in-person sessions are available)

The Awakening Woman


My Mission: to support other women as they awaken to their true nature and inherent power. Now it is my honour and privilege to work with other women who are feeling the call of their wise woman. Who no longer want to live a life unfulfilled, with resentment and frustration.

Oh hey there Wise Woman,
Thank you for stopping by for a moment.

Being a Wise Woman is a way of life. It is also a source of light that will empower and encourage other women to come out from hiding, to stand in their divine feminine power and to rise as the woman they were created to be. Free download: I have created a simple to follow workbook called “Core Values” that will help you to get very clear on what is important to you in your current season. I know this will help you to develop your ability to listen to your wise woman (your inner wisdom) and live your life from a greater place of alignment and clarity.

You can download it here: https://belle-flowers.mykajabi.com/pl/78624

My Story:
I spent a great many years living from a place where I thought I “should be”. I placed waaaayyy too much importance on what other people “might” say, or what other people “might” think about me. And this caused so much sadness, disappointment and frustration inside of me. When I finally realised the cause of my frustration was that I wasn’t living according to my core values, but to those around me (family, friends, colleagues, employer), I was able to take back control.
As soon as my true values became clear to me, I was able to begin the work of listening to my inner wisdom – this is what I call the Wise Woman. She spoke gently to me, was encouraging and not at all forceful. Because she is the higher self and the source of connection to divine.
I was able to let go of the limiting beliefs I was holding around who I am, and how I show up in the world. I was able to explore finding my confidence and personal power.


As a a woman who is awakening too, I know you already have felt the push-pull inside of you, that part that questions the status quo, and wonders if they were created for something more? (The answer is yes you are!)
Many women these days are returning to their soul, for healing and for truth, to answer the ultimate questions… “am I good enough?”, “am I worthy?” and “am I lovable?”

The truth is you are – YOU ARE.
Let me guide you to realising this for yourself,

Belle xox

How to use your emotions to feel incredibly good

How would you rate your Emotional Wellness on a scale of 1-10?

 

8-10 – my emotions are fairly balanced and even. Sure I am like most women and will feel irritated at times, but I am reliable and stable and think clearly and reasonably most of the time.
5-7 – I tend to go up and down,mostly even, but I can usually bring myself back to normal after a while (food / wine helps). I am more happy than sad, hardly get angry (although sometimes the kids push me to the verge of being a T-Rex), but I think I’m not as bad as others I hear about. I would say I am pretty much middle of the road, and whilst life is okay, I have everything I want, there are still times when I get sad for no reason or get snippy at people. 
3-4 – I am quite up and down most of the time and I get anxious / moody / depressed at periods of time for sure. I drink probably more than I should. I don’t exercise much and I really feel like life is difficult. I definitely eat more than I would like, and it is probably “emotional eating”. I feel sad a lot. And I sometimes wonder why life is so hard. 
1-2 – I can’t handle my emotions going up and down all the time – actually I wish they would go up so I can feel good and confident and excited about life! I have been on anti-depressants for a really long time, I don’t trust myself off them. I have a lot of anxiety and have a psych that I see a lot – this is my saving grace. 

 

It’s true, you may feel overwhelmed by the strength of your emotions at times, but the fact is this society we live in is trying to make you fit a mold of being “even and level”…however a vibrant woman is like a flowing river. Sometimes meandering, sometimes rushing, sometimes there are rapids, and sometimes quiet pools of reflection. Learning to listen to your energy body – both physical and emotional – will help you to break the cycle of the ups and down, and give you a way forward when you are feeling hopeless. 

Learning to listen to and respond to your Physical & Emotional Body

Are you getting a sore neck and shoulders more often than not? Do you have questionable tummy issues? Do you get tension headaches and feel stressed and on edge a lot? Heart Palpitations that are not a “heart problem”?

These are all signs of emotional imbalance…and if left unchecked, will only get worse.

Emotional Wellness & Intelligence means you are aware of your emotions, know what they mean, know what physical symptoms are related to, know why they are there, and how to use them – and you NEVER try to squash them down.
Instead, you tame them and make them work for you.

Your body is a biofeedback system that tells you when something isn’t quite right – so physical symptoms are the window to your emotional body. Learning how to use your physical sensations to gauge your emotional health and achieve mastery over them is a practice, and is an unfolding. It doesn’t happen overnight, and usually it comes after a period of feeling flat, uninspired and lacking zest for life.
When you are in this season it can feel frightening and like you will never return to a life of balance and pleasure and excitement…but be assured, you are standing at the precipice of blossoming, if only you will have the courage to keep moving through…..

Emotions can be affected by:

* food (some foods really affect you in the brain first, and the body later – so you may not even realise what you are eating is directly responsible for your mood.)
* dehydration (most people are chronically dehydrated, increasing your water intake to 2L-3L per day will have an immediate impact – try it!) 
* lack of exercise / or too much (hard core exercise in a stressed-out person is counter productive, and can make your stress levels much worse. If you are a couch potato, then you already know this is no good. Get up. Gently walk around the block…and listen to Tony Robbins – you need to move your ass!)
* hormonal imbalance (which can be thrown out by stress, its a vicious cycle, so get your food and water and exercise on track and watch your cycles…if you aren’t regular with a 4-5 day bleed each month, then see a naturopath, or try doTERRA’s Phytoestrogen supplement. It is a god-send for me.)
* too much stress (and not enough tools to help eradicate it.) Self-help is everywhere. Try a yoga class (yin, not Vinyasa/Power) attend a meditation class, use calming essential oils like doTERRA’s Lavender Peace/Serenity or Peace blends.)
* your environment (empaths know what this means!) The people around you can greatly impact your emotions. Spend time with people who make you feel happy and balanced. Stay away from the drainers, and the ones who are bitchy or who bitch about other people to you.
* physical connection (sensual / non sexual touch works wonders for mood.) Holding hands, cuddling with partner or kids, or having a cuddle with your dog/cat is a great way to increase feel good hormones in your brain/body.Ask your partner for a sensual breast massage using doTERRA’s Whisper blend. And tell him “no sex, just touching” – he will be beside himself! 
* chemicals (drugs, perfumes, skin care, cleaning products). Ever had a cleaning headache from the bathroom cleaners you use? Have you noticed it can instantly it affect your mood, giving you a crappy headache and making you sleepy. The same is true for many perfumes – these are a chemical cocktail of toxins that are just waiting to get into your airways and flood your body thru the blood. They have a HUGE impact on the body. Steer clear and using a Pure-Fume like doTerra’s Whisper blend, or Patchouli or Wild Orange.
* Music (radio, news, podcasts, training vids on You Tube) Listening to people whinging about love-lost is not going to inspire a happy mood. So crank up Bon Jovi and rock that mood out. Or maybe Beyonce is more your thing. And get rid of those talk-back radio stations that are filthy or low-brow and encourage stupidity! Also cut back on the violent and salacious tv shows you insist on binge watching. The same goes for reality “fight-fest” tv. What you watch and listen to will affect your mood, and affect your energy field, and you may not even notice it until it is too late.
* memory – I dare you to open a photo album and walk down memory lane and look at your history. See where you came from, re-live the good times. Do this with your kids. Or play the game “remember when ….?” Kids love to be reminded about fun times together, so do this often. 

The key is to listen with attention to your body and to learn how to nourish and care for her.

Emotions as Guideposts:

Knowing how to use your emotions as guideposts is the sign you are turning into your Wise Woman. She is that part of you that is patient, kind, loving and caring to Self. She isn’t afraid to feel, or express, but she knows why she feels the way she does, and can manage her moods and her ups and down with grace and care. 

Allowing the Wise Woman to come forth:

How long has it been since you sat in stillness and listened to your inner wisdom? Your Wise Woman is that part of yourself. She is gentle, so her wisdom isn’t like a punch in the gut – it is that instinctive “knowing”. Like when you have a newborn bub and she is crying her heart out, and you just know how to soothe her and what she likes.
Or when you have a major life decision to make, and your head wants to keep telling you which way to go, but your “gut” says something else….and you go with the head, knowing full well you should have gone with your gut. That is her. She is your Wise Woman.

The best way to re-introduce yourself to her is to begin a daily ritual of saying “thank you for being here” and acknowledging her in your life. When you ignore your gut instinct, you are essentially ignoring a part of yourself.

Take notice of when you suddenly get a sore tummy out of no-where – what is it trying to tell you?
Notice when you finish a massive day at work and your body is aching everywhere – what is it trying to tell you?
Notice when you feel frustration rising up inside of you – what is it trying to tell you?
Notice when you totally lose your shit at the kids/dog/partner – what is it trying to tell you?

You already know the answer, but you still don’t do anything to change your circumstance. The Wise Woman starts to arise when you begin to “know” and she is in full force when you start to make changes due to the knowing.

Your emotional guidance system was created FOR YOU, not to be AGAINST YOU. So allow the feelings and sensations to rise up – take notice, and ask the question “what do I need?”
And let your Wise Woman guide you. 

 

 

Enter: The Wise Woman

Are you ready to meet your Wise Woman?

You’ve known her all her life. She was there when you were gently brushing your hair in front of the mirror. She was there when you were playing with dolls and lovingly caring for them, whilst your mum commented on what a good “little mother” you were.

She was there when you knew to step away from your boy-crush in school and go back to your girlfriends at the disco, (he was giving you attention, but you knew he was a bit of a sleaze bag.) She was there when you planned a whirlwind adventure and dreamed of quitting your job and travelling off into the sunset with a tall, dark and handsome suitor, but realised that giving up your career for Romeo probably wasn’t going to turn out well.

She was there when you held your best friend as she cried in your arms about the love she had lost. And you whispered to her that she would eventually be okay.

She was there when you held your baby in your arms for the first time and knew in your heart that nothing ever would be the same again.

She was there when you dreamily sat on the balcony with a cuppa in one hand and a pen in another, journaling about your plans for the future.

She was there as you embarked on a new course that helped grow you in ways you never thought possible.

She is YOU. She has always been there.

You are the Wise Woman, just ask your friends and family. Ask your kids if you have them. They will all tell you that they think you are awesome. So when you let go of self-doubt, she is the part of you that inherently knows the path forward, knows the best solution in any situation, and is gentle, and caring and…well, wise.

As she begins to take centre stage in your life you will come to feel her and listen to her. But first it takes an awareness and a trust.

 

I have created the Wise Woman Essentials 6 week online program to help guide you back to the core of who you are. If you would like more information about this program please get in touch. 

The Wild Woman

 

I feel the call of the wild woman. She is whispering to me through the breeze as I write this laying out on the grass on a warm spring day. She is calling me back to an ancient time where women were revered and honoured as divine incarnations and wondrous, life giving creatures.  A time that was focused on respect for wild woman as the community thrived because the wild woman thrived. This is the call whispering to me on the breeze, gently leading me back to the alignment of me with my source energy.
I love the writing and work of Clarissa Pinkola Estes “Women who run with the wolves” and as I think about her teaching of who the wild woman is, I can see how she is showing up in all aspects of my life in this season of growth and change that I am in, but in truth, she has been there all along.

How do you recognise your wild woman?

She establishes territory

She finds her pack

She is in her body with pride

She is aware and alert

She is intuitive

She embraces her cycles

She rises with dignity

She retains as much consciousness as possible

(Clarissa Pinkola Estes – Women Who Run With The Wolves)

 

Long ago as we woman we lost our voice, our power and our spirit; as a result, our belly has started to lose its fire. Woman has snuffed the passion due to fear of rejection, fear of ridicule and fear of hostility against her.

Wild woman calls me to trust that it is safe to return to the source of my vibrancy again. When I was a child I was chastised for being loud, too playful, too showy, too sexy to the men looking on. I had no idea, but I started to think something was wrong with me for the way I looked and made others feel.

 I was encouraged to sit with my legs crossed, or at least with knees together. I was admonished by my own kind – a female teacher – at the tender and impressionable age of 10, for wearing make up to school. My eyes were rimmed with black as coal lashes and my eyebrows were just as dark. My eye lids were blushed with shades of pink and brown. The palette my eyes had been painted with was not of a make-up kit but created by God and I was somehow made to feel self-conscious and “bad” as I tried really hard to wash it off at the request of the teacher. When the teacher threatened to send me to the principal I cried out “but there is nothing on my face. It is just my eyes.” The teacher let it rest, but she didn’t apologise or step back from her anger. I knew in that moment that something wasn’t quite right with me, and that I needed to not stand out. And I was determined to find out what it was that made me stand out. I was also resolute in deciding that I would be perfect from then on, so that I couldn’t get in trouble. Perfectionism became my way of controlling my world.

I realised that my natural beauty and bright energy that shone forth was scary to other women, especially to those who had long since turned their back on their own wild woman essence. It made them uncomfortable and competitive. Subconsciously it also made them ashamed.

I felt from the inside the pull of my wild woman from a very early age. I loved to admire myself in the mirror and was often touching myself because it felt pleasurable. I would take pride in my appearance and I would be proud of the reflection I saw. I was told “nice girls don’t do that” or “stop showing off”, so I was confused as a child – I could feel the inner energy of pride, self-love and self-acceptance pulling at me. But was I supposed to ignore it? Was it some evil force trying to deceive me? Was I naughty? Or, was I simply under the authority of a woman who had ignored her own wild woman when she came calling for her?

I’ve felt the energy of judgement slam against me from many females during my lifetime. From primary school to high school, to the early years navigating the young adult world of bars and clubs. I reached for and sought out romantic liaisons while at the same time learning how far to step into new social groups before I attracted the viciousness of the female members.
This reminded me of a pack of wolves (or dogs) that were fiercely protecting their own males and after reading Estes’ work, I realise that my wild woman was making the other woman compete and want to fight.

I’ve received hostile glares and rejection because I am a stranger, a beautiful one at that, a wild woman who embraces her sexual fire and isn’t afraid to be consumed by it. But I had to choose between female friends or romantic interludes. One couldn’t possibly have both in groups (or packs) where the other woman who were not yet on fire.

My wild woman taught me early on that I never need compete for a man’s attention (she shudders in horror at The Bachelor), instead I trusted in the divine law of attraction. Knowing that if a man wasn’t into me – and only me – then he wasn’t for me at all. I made young men angry in my early life, as I was ignorant of the power I held, as they mistook my affection and kindness for sexual interest. I was called names like “tease” and “slut” when their gestures were still received by me with legs firmly closed. This made me even more confused and yet more eager to please and be perfect – which in turn made them angrier, as I was then “the full package” – but still my legs wouldn’t open for them. What was I doing wrong? I wondered.

If I can’t be accepted by the women for fear of competition or rejection, and I can’t be accepted by the men for fear of them hating me for their unrequited love….then to whom did I actually belong and where did I fit in?

As so I began to be a lone wolf and run without a pack. A woman without her tribe who drifted in and out of groups and relationships knowing her heart fully belonged to one man – of whom she’d never met, but had felt him calling her to him since she was a little girl.

Consequently, as I grew older and my fire was all but snuffed out, the more ignorant of their own wild woman my “friends” became. Telling me to stay in relationships (like they were doing), living day in day out in relationships that poisoned their spirit and dulled the senses. Their reasoning “you have made a choice” “you are married” and words to that effect. Slowly my internal fire was gone and I was still alive but mostly dead in spirit. My physical body became sicker more often and the lustre in my hair and sparkle in my eyes faded. My wild woman called me and at times my ears pricked up, my skin bristled and my lustful (creative) energy returned and I felt more like “me” (a woman I didn’t know but firmly knew was there somewhere). But it was only for short glorious moments, and then my fire burned out again and I further shrunk into that pathetic small version of myself that I had once scoffed at when I recognised it in other women.

The call of the wild woman is an ancient phenomenon; however it was my modern computer – more specifically – my laptop – that is responsible for helping me to find my pack and re-enter the world of the living. I had never owned a laptop before, and so I was only ever at my computer when I was working. Having young children meant I couldn’t spend hours in my office scrolling the interweb, so I could only ever search for information in short, distracted bursts. Buying a laptop opened a world that I had no previous access to, and from the comfort of my lounge and near my cubs, I was able to step into another world of spiritual growth and community and connection by one google search. I lustily read every page I could let my eyes land on, from magick to mythology to energy healing. My mind was thirsty for information and I drank it in, night after night after night. My husband at the time mocked me asking “why do you want to read that for?” and I would dumb down my responses and not let on that I was doing my soul’s work and I was changing. My mind and spirit were being nourished and I was blossoming again into the woman of inspiration and power that I had once been before.

Forums and community groups were my favourite and I loved the interaction on Facebook with people I had once known and then lost contact with. I was chained to my kids, the house and work through the day light hours but at night when the kids were in bed and my husband was otherwise occupied watching banal tv shows, I would hunt for information of the mystical world of quantum physics and the effect of speaking words of love over water molecules!

 

I howled to the moon each night as I lay in bed next to a perfect stranger, a man who had thought he had tamed me, but had no idea that each day I was waiting to pounce on my prey, growing stronger and braver and more resolute. I took more chances creatively and allowed myself to dream again – for my future and for my children’s future. I practices being intentional in meditation and exercise and food choices and I watched as my physical and emotional body began to be equally as strong as my spiritual body.

 

No longer a lone wolf, I had become a part of a pack of women who were independent, yet dependent on each other for nurturing, care and protection. The unknowing leader of my pack was singer/entertainer Pink, the fiercest of the 

wild women in our modern world. A woman who epitomises what it means to be a wild woman, who blazes the trail proudly and loudly and her energy ignites the spirit of others when their time has come to allow their essence to transition with the call. With her music as my personal sound track I left an unhappy marriage and took my cubs into a new home that valued expression; playfulness and creativity; which essentially breathed life and self-confidence into all of us again.

The wild woman doesn’t cry over spilled milk nor does she admonish her children for accidents. The wild woman soothes her child who is scared she has made a mess, and begins to make milk pictures with her fingers in the milk on the floor. The wild woman fully embraces her children who want to act like a cat, insisting on drinking milk from a bowl on the floor. The wild woman teaches her cubs to be comfortable in her own choices and encourages her to wear dress up clothes to bed or skip the bath and wear day clothes to bed “just this once”.
The older women watching on, who have ignored their wild woman, are horrified by non-conformity to rules. But this wild woman knows her duty to her own female children to keep fanning the fire that already burns brightly inside of them.

For a period I began dating again only to realise with every dinner or lunch or coffee the man I longed for and already knew in my heart, was yet to appear. My wild woman was ready to find her mate. But each time my heart was crushed or I laughed a heaty belly laugh at the ludicrousness of the dates I went on, I realised that something had to change. (I think this is where my Wise Woman began to appear – but she is a story for another time).  I made a deal with God “you choose Him and bring Him to me – because I am crap at this”. And I cried and cried and cried as I surrendered my heart to the One who created me. I had to learn to live without wanting to force anything, but to trust that my beloved would show up in perfect timing. I wrote a letter to my beloved and I used rich romantic tones, I wrote words I had never uttered to another man in my life. Somehow it felt strange yet familiar, almost like I had spoken them to him in another lifetime. I folded the letter, held it to my heart and breathed in what I felt like it would feel to embrace him. This man I attracted to me could not be just any man. He must be emotionally strong, yet vulnerable. He must be incredibly masculine, but in tune with his softer side. He must be romantic and an expert lover, yet teachable and house trainable, and he must have an unwavering desire for me. That is all.

Then I placed the letter in my bedside table – what would be his bedside table- when we finally met.
He appeared in my life six months later, as handsome and chivalrous and lusty as I had imagined he would be. I had dared to dream to find a man who would ignite a spark in me that only my man could ignite, and a man who would be the guard and protector and example to my children as well.

And so that brings me to present age, where I feel the wild woman sitting peacefully in the back ground of my true essence now. She ebbs and flows as needed, guiding me, helping me to create, to lead, to explore and to be adventurous. She teaches me that life is worth fighting for and protecting. And mostly she paves the way for the Wise Woman who always follows the awakening.

With my Wild man by my side we have created a rich and exciting life that breathes on its own and fans its own flame. I have chosen wisely the partner who will run freely with me through highs and valleys, always running at the same pace, and always returning to our essence when life throws us off course.